How to Get Aging Parents to Talk About Moving Closer in 4 Steps

Few things tug at the heart like realizing your parents might need to live closer to family. You want them safe, supported, and connected—but bringing up a move to senior living in a new town can trigger all kinds of emotions and resistance.

Maybe your mom insists she’s fine on her own, or your dad changes the subject every time you bring it up. You don’t want to upset them, but you also know ignoring the situation won’t make it easier. Figuring out how to get aging parents to talk about moving closer takes patience and empathy … and the right approach respects their independence while relieving your concerns.

At The Heritage at Brentwood®, families often find that these conversations, while uncomfortable at first, can lead to a better understanding of a parent’s needs, wants, and living options and, ultimately, a solution the whole family can feel good about.

So, How Do You Get Aging Parents to Talk About Moving Closer?

Step 1. Know Thine Opponent(s)

Before you can move the conversation forward, it helps to understand what’s behind your parents’ hesitation. Common reasons for resistance include:

• Their home is their anchor. It’s full of memories and represents stability. Leaving it can feel like erasing a part of their pasts. Home is also where their social life lives—friends, places of worship, favorite restaurants and cultural venues, clubs to which they belong or organizations for which they volunteer … any of these and more can contribute to your parent’s sense of identity and purpose.

• They worry about losing control. Older adults often associate a move with losing their independence or having decisions made for them.

• They fear the unknown. New routines, new faces, and unfamiliar surroundings can be intimidating.

• They don’t want to be a burden. Some parents would rather struggle alone than feel they’re disrupting their children’s lives.

• Misconceptions about assisted living. Heck, you may have some of your own! Beef up on modern senior living facts in Step 2 below.

Once you recognize these emotions, you can approach the topic with more compassion—and also have a bunch of positive reasons to move up your sleeve!

2. Do Your Research

Find a few communities near you that you believe will be a good fit.

• Take tours. AARP has put together this great checklist for things to look for during in-person visits.
• Seek out specific perks that will interest your parents. Is there a shop for your mom or dad who’s into woodworking? Is there an art studio for your parents who paint? How about a resident garden for your green-thumbed loved ones to dig into? Your foodie father might want to know what the dining programs are like.
• Ask for brochures and other materials that will help your loved ones see the benefits of a move.
• Prepare to counter any misconceptions your loved one might have by familiarizing yourself with these assisted living myth-busters.

3. Start the Conversation

When you’ve educated yourself and have some solid reasoning in your arsenal, you’re ready to have The Talk. Just remember that, no matter how “right” you may be, the goal isn’t to convince—it’s to connect. Here are ways to start the conversation in a way that invites openness, not resistance:

• Lead with love. Begin with your motivation, not your worry. Instead of “You shouldn’t live alone anymore,” try “We love you and want you nearby so we can spend more time together.” Tone makes all the difference.
• Ask questions instead of making statements. “What would make you comfortable about moving closer?” or “How do you picture the next few years?” invites conversation instead of confrontation.
• Talk about benefits, not losses. Highlight how living closer can add to their quality of life—social connection, lifelong learning opportunities, peace of mind, less household stress. Older adults often respond better when the focus is on what they’ll gain rather than what they’re giving up.
• Pull out those brochures. Show you parents the places you scouted and point out why they’ll like them.
• Offer to schedule tours for your loved one. Many communities offer virtual tours of residences and community amenities, and team member will be happy to speak with your parents to answer questions and concerns via video chat.
• Bring in a trusted professional. If emotions run high, sometimes a social worker, care manager, or physician can provide a neutral perspective. Hearing the same message from someone outside the family can help your parents feel less pressured.

These small shifts can turn a tense talk into an honest, ongoing dialogue—the first real step in how to get aging parents to talk about moving closer.

4. What to Do When a Parent Refuses to Move

Even with patience and positivity, many families hit a wall. If you’re wondering what to do when an elderly parent refuses to move, here are some realistic next steps:

• Listen first. Ask what worries them most and acknowledge their feelings. Sometimes the simple act of listening reduces resistance.

• Mail or email the brochures and revisit the conversation later. Give your parents time to let the idea sink in. Reviewing the materials and websites on their own when they don’t feel pressured can help them consider the value of assisted living community and picture themselves there.

• Suggest a short stay. A trial visit at a retirement or assisted living community lets them see what daily life is actually like.

• Involve siblings early. Present a united, caring message from all family members to avoid confusion or mixed signals.

• Prepare for practical matters. Discuss finances, power of attorney, and long-term care planning while emotions are calm.

The truth is, stubborn parents often need to feel that the decision is still theirs. Your job is to keep the conversation open until they’re ready.

Bonus Tip: Make the Move Smoother

Once your parents agrees to make the move, take the process one step at a time.

• Give your parents the final say. Narrow the options to at least two communities that meet everyone’s “must-have” criteria and allow your loved one to choose where they will live. Remember, it doesn’t have to be your favorite.
• Plan early. Start downsizing gradually to avoid last-minute stress.
• Bring what feels like home. Familiar items—photos, a favorite chair, treasured books—make new spaces feel welcoming.
• Stay present and positive. Be there on moving day, share meals, and help establish new routines. Your presence reassures them they’re not alone in this change; your positivity reassures them they’ve made the right decision!

Moving a parent is emotional for everyone involved. The more thought and compassion you put into the process, the smoother the transition will be.

The Heritage at Brentwood®: A Community That Feels Like Family

At The Heritage at Brentwood®, families often find relief in knowing their loved ones are surrounded by caring staff, vibrant activities, and a strong sense of belonging. Here, older adults enjoy the freedom of independent living or the support of assisted living—all within a community that feels warm and welcoming.

Ready to Get Aging Parents to Talk About Moving?

The Heritage at Brentwood® can help. Schedule a visit today and see how our team supports seniors and families through every step of the move—from the first conversation to a smooth transition and a confident, comfortable new beginning.